Riding the Wave: How to Ground Yourself During Intense Urges
- waltercombs
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice, I often see how overwhelming intense urges—whether they're cravings, strong impulses, or a flood of difficult emotions—can be. It's easy to feel swept away, leading to actions we might later regret. But what if you could learn to navigate these moments with greater calm and control?
Today, I want to share a powerful technique I call "Grounding the Urge Wave." This exercise beautifully integrates principles from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and somatic awareness, empowering you to manage urges without being controlled by them.
A Guided Audio link is provided at the bottom of this post.
Understanding the "Urge Wave"
Imagine an urge like a wave in the ocean. It begins to form, builds in intensity, reaches a peak, and then, if we don't "feed" it by acting on it, it will naturally decrease and eventually pass. Our goal isn't to fight the wave or to be pulled under by it, but to learn how to ride it out. This exercise provides an anchor to help you stay steady as you surf.
The "Grounding the Urge Wave" Exercise
You can practice this exercise anytime you feel a strong urge building or when you're in the midst of an intense emotional moment. Find a comfortable, quiet place if possible.
Step 1: Notice and Acknowledge the Urge (Preparing to Surf)
Acknowledge: Take a moment to simply notice that an urge is present. Don't judge it; just acknowledge its presence. For example, you might silently say to yourself, "I'm having an urge to [e.g., grab a snack, check my phone, raise my voice, withdraw]."
Locate: Where do you feel this urge in your body? Is it a tightness in your chest, a jittery sensation in your hands, a knot in your stomach, or a warmth in your face? Observe these physical sensations without trying to change them.
Rate Intensity: On a scale of 0 to 10 (where 0 is no urge and 10 is the most intense urge you can imagine), how strong is this urge for you right now? Just make a mental note of that number.
Step 2: Ground Yourself with 5-4-3-2-1 (Your Anchor)
This step is crucial for bringing your awareness into the present moment and creating a mental "anchor" to prevent you from being overwhelmed. Take a deep, steady breath in through your nose, and slowly release it through your mouth before you begin.
5 Things You Can SEE: Look around you right now. Name five different things you can see. Really notice their colors, shapes, and any small details or textures. (Allow yourself to pause and observe.)
4 Things You Can FEEL: Bring your awareness to your body and surroundings. Notice four things you can feel. This could be the sensation of your clothing on your skin, the firmness of the chair you're sitting on, the temperature of the air, or the texture of an object nearby. (Pause and sense.)
3 Things You Can HEAR: Listen closely and identify three distinct sounds. These can be nearby or further away. Tune into each one. (Pause and listen.)
2 Things You Can SMELL: Take a gentle breath in through your nose. What two smells can you detect? Even if they're faint or just the scent of your own clothes. (Pause and perceive.)
1 Thing You Can TASTE: What can you taste in your mouth right now? It might be the lingering taste of your last meal, your breath, or just a neutral taste. (Pause and notice.)
Step 3: Return to the Urge – Observe the Wave (Surfing in Action)
Now, gently bring your attention back to the urge you were feeling.
Notice: Has its intensity shifted after the grounding exercise? Take a moment to re-evaluate its current level.
Observe: Continue to watch the urge like a wave. Where do you feel it in your body now? Has its location or sensation changed? Simply observe it with curiosity.
Breathe: Use your breath as your "surfboard." Inhale slowly, filling your lungs, and then exhale slowly, letting go of any tension. Imagine your breath helping you stay steady on top of the wave.
Remind yourself: Gently repeat to yourself, "This feeling is temporary. I can ride this out."
Step 4: Continue to Ride the Wave (Staying with It)
If at any point the urge feels overwhelming again, remember you can always return to the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. Just take a few moments to re-anchor yourself in the present moment.
Keep coming back to observing the urge: Notice its continued rise, its peak (when it feels most intense), and then observe as it naturally begins to decrease. Your role is simply to observe it as it passes, without fighting or clinging to it.
Step 5: Reflect and Empower (After the Wave Passes)
Once the urge has significantly decreased or passed, take a moment to reflect on your experience:
What did you notice during this process?
What physical sensations changed as you rode the wave?
What thoughts came up for you, and how did you manage them without getting caught up?
How does it feel now, having experienced that urge without acting on it? How does it feel to have simply ridden the wave?
What is the final intensity of the urge on that 0-10 scale?
Key Takeaways for Your Journey:
This exercise teaches you a profound truth: you have the power to experience intense urges without being controlled by them. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is your immediate "pause button," helping you step out of overwhelming emotions and into the present moment, creating vital space. With that space, "Urge Surfing" allows you to mindfully observe the urge as it naturally passes.
The more you practice this skill, the more you'll train your mind and body to understand that urges are temporary, and that you have the choice to respond skillfully, rather than simply reacting. You are building incredible resilience.
Give "Grounding the Urge Wave" a try the next time an intense urge surfaces. You might be surprised by the inner strength you discover.
If you would like to follow an Audio Guide of this exercise, I have supplied a link.
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