From Autopilot to Author: Mapping Your Path to a Valued Life

Hello, and welcome back to "Integrated Wednesdays." On Monday, we explored the inner tug-of-war we often feel between different "parts" of ourselves and learned to tune into their physical sensations. Now, we're going to take that awareness and apply it to a powerful exercise that helps you map your personal cycle of behavior, giving you the power to choose a new, more intentional path. This exercise is not about judging or trying to eliminate parts of yourself. Instead, it’s about getting to know your inner world with

curiosity and compassion. By understanding the pattern that leads to unhelpful behaviors, you can find the space to choose a new direction—one that is guided by what truly matters to you.

We will use two powerful and integrated ideas:

• Your Inner Parts (from IFS): The idea that we are all made up of different "parts". Some parts hold our pain and vulnerability, while others try to protect us from that pain. You've already begun to get to know these parts through your somatic practice on Monday.

  
  

• Your Values (from ACT): Your core principles that give your life meaning and direction. Acting on your values is like following a compass that guides you toward a life you want to live.

Step 1: Identify Your Compass

Before you can change your direction, you need to know where you want to go. The behavior you're struggling with often gets in the way of what you value most.

Take a moment to identify and list one to three of your most important personal values. These are your compass points. Examples include

Connection, Health, Integrity, Presence, or Growth.

Step 2: Map the Autopilot Cycle

Now, let's become a detective and map your most recent "autopilot" cycle without judgment. This helps you understand the sequence of events leading to a behavior you want to change.

• The Spark (The Trigger): What was happening just before the urge hit? Was it an external event like an argument, or an internal one like a feeling of boredom?

  
  

• The First Feeling (Your Vulnerable Part): What was the first, most vulnerable feeling that showed up inside you because of the trigger?  As you learned on Monday, this is a vulnerable part of you that is in pain. Examples include loneliness, shame, or anxiety.

  
  

• The Alarm Bell (Your Protector Part): What was the immediate, urgent thought or impulse that followed that painful feeling? This is your Protector Part jumping in to "save" you from the pain. It often has a frantic, "gotta do something NOW" energy. Examples include thoughts like, "I can't stand this feeling," or "I need to escape".

  
  

• The Action (The Compulsive Behavior): What specific behavior did you engage in to numb or escape the feeling?

  
  

• The Aftermath: After the action, how did you truly feel? Did the behavior align with your values from Step 1?

  
  

Step 3: Find Your Power (The Choice Point)

Look back at your map. There is a tiny space between the "Alarm Bell" (your Protector Part's urgent impulse) and the "Action" (the compulsive behavior). This is your Choice Point. It may only last for a few seconds, but this is where your freedom and power live. The goal of this work is to gradually make that space just a little bit wider each time.

Step 4: Plan Your Valued Path

Now, let's create a plan for what you can do at the Choice Point. This isn't about fighting the urge, but about allowing it to be there while you intentionally choose a small, concrete action that aligns with your values.

Look at your values from Step 1 and brainstorm a small action you can take for each one. For example, if your value is Connection, your small action could be sending a text to a friend. If your value is Health, you could go outside and take ten deep breaths.

A Final Note: Practice, Not Perfection. This is a skill that takes practice. There will be times you take the new path and times you don't. The goal is not perfection but to notice the Choice Point more often and gently choose the direction of your values, one small action at a time.

Remember to thank your Protector Part—the part that sounds the alarm bell—for working hard to protect you. You're not getting rid of it; you're just giving it new, more effective tools to help you live a life that truly aligns with your core values.

You can find the full client exercise to map your cycle here: LINK