Q&A Friday: Week 2 The 12-Steps Re-Imagined

Step 2: Can I Really Trust This "Healing Presence"?

This week, we’ve been exploring Step 2: Hope. We found the "Pilot Light" in our bodies on Monday, and on Wednesday, we looked at how Self-Energy (the 8 C's) and a Higher Power can bring harmony to our internal system.

But for many of us, the idea of "hope" feels dangerous. If you have been disappointed or hurt in the past, your parts might be working overtime to protect you from being let down again. Let’s look at some of the most common questions that come up this week.

Q1: "I’ve tried to have hope before and I relapsed. Why is this any different?"

IFS Answer: It makes complete sense that a part of you is skeptical. In the past, you might have been trying to use "Manager-led Hope"—which is really just a part of you trying very hard to be hopeful or "white-knuckling" a positive attitude.

The difference here is that we aren't asking you to "act" hopeful. We are asking you to notice the Somatic (physical) reality of Self-Energy. Hope in this model is the realization that your core Self is already calm and clear. We aren't building hope from scratch; we are uncovering the hope that was already there, beneath the noise of your protectors.

Q2: "What if I can’t find my 'Pilot Light' or any of the 8 C's?"

IFS Answer: That is okay! If you can’t find the light, it usually just means you are blended with a part that is very loud or very dark right now.

Instead of forcing yourself to find "Calm," try to find just a tiny bit of Curiosity. Can you be curious about the part that is blocking the light? Just saying, "I notice a part of me feels totally dark right now," is actually an act of Self-Observation. That "Noticing" is the first spark of your Pilot Light.

Q3: "My Higher Power feels far away or judgmental. How does that bring harmony?"

IFS Answer: This is often a Legacy Burden—a view of a Higher Power that was handed down to you by parents or a strict religious background.

In Step 2, we "come to believe" in a Higher Power of our own understanding. If your current view of a Higher Power makes your parts feel shamed or defensive, it’s okay to ask that "Judgmental Image" to step back. You can invite a Higher Power that feels like Compassion and Courage—one that supports your Self in shepherding your parts rather than punishing them.

Q4: "My 'Skeptic Part' says this is all just wishful thinking. Should I try to push that part away?"

IFS Answer: Definitely not! In our practice, All Parts Are Welcome. Your Skeptic Part is actually a very important protector. It’s trying to keep you from being "fooled" or "disappointed."

Instead of pushing it away, thank it for its service. Tell it: "I see you trying to protect me from disappointment. Thank you. Would you be willing to just watch and see if this new way of leading—from Self and a Higher Power—feels any different in our body?" When the Skeptic feels heard, it often relaxes its grip.

Weekend Reflection:

As you move into the weekend, look for one "C" word from the 8 C's. Maybe you find a moment of Clarity while washing dishes, or a spark of Creativity while listening to music. Acknowledge that moment as Step 2 in action.

Weekend Mantra: "My Hope isn't a wish; it is the quiet confidence of my core Self."