Systemic SMART Goals: Why My 12-Step Series Paused and What My Parts Taught Me

Earlier this year, I set out to write three blogs a week. I had a vision, a schedule, and a 12-step series ready to go. I was energized, focused, and—if I’m being honest—a little bit driven by a high-functioning Manager part that loves a finish line.

But by week four, the screen stayed blank.

In the traditional behavioral world of SMART goals, we’d call that a failure. We’d say I lacked discipline or that my "Time-bound" parameters were off. But in the world of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and my own integration of therapeutic models, I don’t call it a failure. I call it a Systemic Conflict.

The Heroic Manager and the "Greater Than" Trap

When I sat down to plan that ambitious schedule, a part of me was leading the charge. It’s a part I know well—the one that thrives on being helpful, productive, and "on top of it." It looked at my roles as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a Church Elder, a husband, and a son assisting my father after his surgery, and it said, "We can do it all. In fact, we should do more."

This is what I call the "Greater Than" Strategy. Sometimes, a part of us tries to achieve something heroic not because it’s sustainable, but because it’s trying to soothe an underlying Exile—a part that feels "not enough." If I could just produce three stellar blogs a week while managing a private practice, church duties, and family obligations, then surely, that inner sense of pressure would finally ease.

When the System Pulls the Emergency Brake

As the weeks went by, reality set in. My days in Southern California were full. Between clinical sessions, shepherding my church family, finding adoptive homes for our foster dogs, and assisting with physical needs of a recovering family member, my "internal battery" was signaling for a recharge.

While my Manager was screaming, "Stick to the schedule!", other parts of my system—the Protectors of Peace and the Exhausted Parts—stepped in. They didn't do it to be mean; they did it to save me from burnout. They pulled the emergency brake, and the 12-step series came to a grinding halt.

For a while, I felt that familiar sting of guilt. That guilt is often just another Part—a Critic—using a whip to try and get the system moving again.

Finding "Systemic Alignment"

To move forward, I had to do what I ask my clients to do: I had to unblend. I had to step back from the guilt and the pressure and listen to the whole "Internal Family."

I realized that for a goal to be truly SMART, it has to be Systemically Aligned.

• Specific doesn’t just mean "write a blog"; it means "write from a place of Self."

• Realistic doesn’t just mean "is there time on the calendar?"; it means "does my whole system have the energy for this?"

I discovered that my "3-times-a-week" goal wasn't actually achievable because it didn't have the consent of my protectors. They were worried I was over-extending, and they were right.

The New Path: Quality over Pressure

So, I am resetting. I’m moving to one to two deep, intentional blog posts a month.

Is it "less" than I originally planned? To a Manager part, maybe. But to my whole system, it is much more. It’s a goal that respects my limits, honors my energy, and allows me to show up fully for my clients, my family, my congregation , and my inner system without feeling like I’m constantly "behind."

When you look at your own goals this week, ask yourself: Is this goal coming from my "Self," or is a driven Part trying to fix a feeling of inadequacy? Sometimes, the most "Specific" and "Realistic" thing you can do is give yourself permission to slow down.

P.S. For those who were following my 12-step series, don't worry—it isn't going away. I'll be finishing the journey at this new, sustainable pace by grouping the steps into deeper, more integrated deep-dives. As always, I’m letting my system lead the way.