Understanding the Journey Inward: The IFS Approach to Healing
- waltercombs
- Apr 17
- 2 min read
Have you ever felt like a "part" of you wanted one thing, while another "part" felt the complete opposite? In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we recognize that our minds are naturally made up of different "sub-personalities" or Parts.
While some of these parts may act in ways that feel problematic, IFS operates on a transformative core belief: Every part has a positive intention for you. Beneath these parts lies your Self—a core of calm, compassion, and clarity that is capable of leading and healing your entire internal system.
The Path to Inner Harmony
The journey of IFS involves two primary phases: building trust with your Protectors and safely healing your Exiles.
Phase 1: Working with Protectors (The 6 F’s)
Protectors are the parts of you that work hard to keep you safe and functioning. They might use perfectionism, anger, or even procrastination to protect you from pain. To help these parts "unblend" (separate) from your core Self, we use the 6 F’s:
Find: Notice the part. Where do you feel it in or around your body?
Focus: Turn your attention inward toward that specific sensation or quality.
Flesh Out: Get a clearer sense of it. Does it have a shape, a color, or an age?
Feel Towards: This is a vital "check-in." How do you feel toward this part right now? If you feel curiosity or compassion, your Self is present. If you feel judgment, we simply ask the judging part to step back for a moment.
Befriend: Start a conversation. Learn about its job and how hard it has been working for you.
Fears: Discover what the part is afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job. This often points us toward the vulnerable parts it is protecting.
Phase 2: Healing the Wounds (The Unburdening Process)
Once your Protectors trust the Self and give permission, we can move toward the Exiles—the younger parts carrying old pain or traumatic memories.
Witnessing: Your Self listens to the Exile’s story, allowing it to feel truly seen and understood for the first time.
Reparenting & Retrieval: The Self provides the care the Exile needed in the past and "retrieves" it from the traumatic memory into the safe present.
Unburdening: Through a symbolic ritual, the Exile finally releases the heavy "burdens" (shame, fear, or pain) it has carried for years.
Integration: The healed part and its former Protectors find new, healthy roles within your internal system.
⚠️ A Note on Safety
Working with Exiles is delicate and can involve intense emotions. While the 6 F's are a wonderful tool for daily personal growth, unburdening deep trauma should be done with the support of a trained IFS therapist to ensure your internal system stays safe and balanced.
How Often Should I Check In?
There is no "perfect schedule" for IFS work. Instead, let your internal system guide you. You might make contact when:
A part becomes highly "activated" (e.g., you feel a sudden burst of anger or anxiety).
You feel enough "Self-Energy" (calm and curiosity) to offer your parts some attention.
The ultimate goal is Integration—where Self-Leadership becomes a natural, ongoing state of internal harmony.
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