When "Removing Defects" Feels Like an Attack: A Kinder Path to Recovery
- waltercombs
- Jan 7
- 3 min read
If you’ve spent any time in a 12-Step room, you know the weight of Steps 6 and 7. You’re asked to become "entirely ready" to have God remove your defects of character.
For many, this is where the engine of recovery starts to stall.
I’ve sat with many clients who feel a deep, unspoken resistance during this phase. But I don't just see this as a therapist; I speak as a fellow traveler in recovery with over 25 years of sobriety. I know firsthand the courage it takes to look at those "shortcomings." However, I also know the internal "bracing" that happens when we feel we have to cut away pieces of ourselves to stay sober.
In my own journey and in my practice, I’ve discovered that this resistance isn't "rebellion"—it’s a cry for help from parts of us that are terrified of being exiled.
The "Removal" Trap
In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, we believe that the mind is made up of "parts"—little sub-personalities that each have a job. When we use words like "remove" or "defect of character," it sends a clear signal to your internal system: You are not wanted. You are bad. You must go.
Imagine a loyal soldier who has been guarding a post for 20 years. If you tell that soldier he is a "defect" and needs to be "removed," he isn't going to leave quietly. He’s going to fight harder to stay. This is why so many people feel "stuck" or anxious in their recovery; their internal protectors are in a defensive crouch, resisting the very healing they claim to want.
Listening to the Body’s "Yes"
This isn't just a mental shift; it’s a physical one. As person with a healthy faith, a therapist, and a man in long-term recovery, I’ve seen that true spiritual transformation often shows up in the body first.
When a client shifts from the idea of "removing a defect" to "healing a part," their shoulders often drop. Their breath deepens. That is your Self-Energy—your core, God-given seat of healing—finally taking the lead.
The 12-Steps Re-imagined through the IFS Lens
Developed by Walter Combs, LCSW.
Honesty: We acknowledged that we were overwhelmed by the strategies of our protective parts and that our internal system had become polarized and unmanageable.
Hope: We came to believe that a Healing Presence (Self-Energy) and a Higher Power could bring clarity and harmony to our internal system.
Trust: We made a decision to open our hearts and bodies to the guidance of our Higher Power and the leadership of our Self.
Discovery: We made a searching, compassionate, and blameless inventory of our internal parts, noticing their roles, their somatic burdens, and the legacy of those who came before us.
Connection: We shared with our Higher Power, ourselves, and another person the stories, fears, and burdens carried by our parts.
Readiness: We became entirely ready to invite our parts into a healing process, reassuring our protectors that they are not being removed, but unburdened.
Transformation: We humbly asked our Higher Power to help facilitate the unburdening of our parts, allowing them to release their extreme roles and return to their natural, healthy states.
Willingness: We made a list of all those we (and our parts) had harmed, and became willing to offer amends as a way of bringing peace to our external and internal systems.
Restoration: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, while staying connected to our somatic boundaries and the safety of our parts.
Awareness: We continued to practice somatic self-awareness and internal check-ins; when a part became blended or reactive, we acknowledged it with compassion and returned to Self-leadership.
Communion: We sought through prayer, meditation, and somatic stillness to improve our conscious contact with our Higher Power, seeking only the wisdom of Self-Energy and the strength to lead our parts with love.
Service: Having had a spiritual awakening and internal integration as the result of these steps, we carry this message of "All Parts Are Welcome" to others, practicing these principles of compassion in all our affairs.
The Path Forward
Recovery doesn't have to be a war against yourself. You don't have to hate your "addictive part" or your "angry part" into submission. By integrating the wisdom of the 12-Steps with the compassion of IFS, we can help those parts of you finally set down the heavy burdens they’ve been carrying.
After 25 years on this road, I can tell you: the goal isn't to become a "different" person, but to become a Self-Lead Person. Because in this model, and in this office, all parts are welcome.
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